The day started like any other, quiet at first but with
a underlying silence from me just wanting to explode. Something was
different about that day as I sat at the foot of my bed and could
feel my body start to shake, my heart started racing and sweat
started to drip down my face as I witnessed the paper in my hands
start to crumble. The paper was not the only thing that was
crumbling, my life just changed in a matter of seconds. I felt as if
I had been tranquilized after what I had just read, a secret so big
that lasted 19 years of my life. How could this man I called my
father be so dishonest, greedy, and lie through his teeth like this
to me for so many years? There was so much for me to take in all at
once and I needed some answers.
I
was ten years old when my parents decided to get a divorce
after 17 years of marriage. During that time my two older brothers, myself and my younger brother were born. Deciding to not have anymore children due to my dad living the way he was, I was left being the only girl in my family. My dad was a very unfaithful man cheating on my mom multiple times throughout their marriage, some affairs she knew about while some she probably doesn't know about until this day. My mother tried marriage counseling a number of times and was no longer willing to take the time with my dad, working on their marriage to try to make it survive. My mother was a very miserable woman being married to my dad for all those years knowing that he was sneaking around with other women, but for the sake of her children she wanted to try everything in her power to make their marriage last before resulting in divorce. My mother grew up being taught by her faith and parents that the life with your family is very important, playing a major role in your families development also into the person you want to become. My mother strived everyday to make this a priority in life to keep our family strong and together forever. Unfortunately as important as family is, it is a big problem in the world today where more and more families are broken up by divorce, and my family resulted in one of them.
after 17 years of marriage. During that time my two older brothers, myself and my younger brother were born. Deciding to not have anymore children due to my dad living the way he was, I was left being the only girl in my family. My dad was a very unfaithful man cheating on my mom multiple times throughout their marriage, some affairs she knew about while some she probably doesn't know about until this day. My mother tried marriage counseling a number of times and was no longer willing to take the time with my dad, working on their marriage to try to make it survive. My mother was a very miserable woman being married to my dad for all those years knowing that he was sneaking around with other women, but for the sake of her children she wanted to try everything in her power to make their marriage last before resulting in divorce. My mother grew up being taught by her faith and parents that the life with your family is very important, playing a major role in your families development also into the person you want to become. My mother strived everyday to make this a priority in life to keep our family strong and together forever. Unfortunately as important as family is, it is a big problem in the world today where more and more families are broken up by divorce, and my family resulted in one of them.
I
was ten years old just finishing up with the 5th
grade, I
remember sitting at my desk during school listening to my teacher Mrs. Porter read my class and I the story of Green Eggs and Ham By: Dr Suess. “ I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere, I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am,” read Mrs. Porter. Mrs. Porter was a woman of poise and grace, her thick brown hair fell gracefully onto her shoulders and surrounded her round face reminding me of my mother. She always had a golden brown suntan even during the winter time, making her hazel eyes stand out in a crowd. She was a very happy women who smiled often showing her sparkling white teeth and beaming with confidence. I will never forget this woman she was a wonderful person who made a big impact in my life, this woman was also a wonderful story teller. “ Heather, your mom is waiting for you in the front office to check you out early,” said Mrs. Porter. I looked up at the clock and noticed it was only noon, I wondered why I was leaving school early and knew this was very unusual. “Thank you for the story Mrs. Porter, I'll clean up my desk and see you tomorrow,” I exclaimed.
remember sitting at my desk during school listening to my teacher Mrs. Porter read my class and I the story of Green Eggs and Ham By: Dr Suess. “ I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere, I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am,” read Mrs. Porter. Mrs. Porter was a woman of poise and grace, her thick brown hair fell gracefully onto her shoulders and surrounded her round face reminding me of my mother. She always had a golden brown suntan even during the winter time, making her hazel eyes stand out in a crowd. She was a very happy women who smiled often showing her sparkling white teeth and beaming with confidence. I will never forget this woman she was a wonderful person who made a big impact in my life, this woman was also a wonderful story teller. “ Heather, your mom is waiting for you in the front office to check you out early,” said Mrs. Porter. I looked up at the clock and noticed it was only noon, I wondered why I was leaving school early and knew this was very unusual. “Thank you for the story Mrs. Porter, I'll clean up my desk and see you tomorrow,” I exclaimed.
As
I placed my back pack over my shoulders and walked closer
to the front office I saw my mom standing by the door way of my school. As I got closer I noticed something was wrong, tears were rolling down her face as she looked at me and tried to hide her agony with a smile. Her eyes gazed into mine puffy and red as she gave me a hug, “Your brother's are waiting in the car sweetie, I have something I need to talk to you four about” She said. My heart was pounding but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I didn't know what to say, all I could do was wait for the news and try to understand why my mother was so sad. We walked out to the car hand in hand with our heads down both looking for a way out of this situation. I crawled into the car and my three brother's were sitting there patiently waiting for us. My mother and I got situated but the car was not moving, we sat there in silence with no one saying a word for over a minute which in that moment felt like an hour. “Kids your Mother and Father love you guys very much, we've tried to make our marriage work for a while now and have decided it would be best to split” said my Mother. I looked over at my brother's in tears and knew this was the news I was getting today. “Mom why, we can't have our family split up I want to live with you and Daddy!” I shouted. As I looked up at my mother looking back at us kids the expression on her face said it all, there was nothing more to be done, it was over.
to the front office I saw my mom standing by the door way of my school. As I got closer I noticed something was wrong, tears were rolling down her face as she looked at me and tried to hide her agony with a smile. Her eyes gazed into mine puffy and red as she gave me a hug, “Your brother's are waiting in the car sweetie, I have something I need to talk to you four about” She said. My heart was pounding but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I didn't know what to say, all I could do was wait for the news and try to understand why my mother was so sad. We walked out to the car hand in hand with our heads down both looking for a way out of this situation. I crawled into the car and my three brother's were sitting there patiently waiting for us. My mother and I got situated but the car was not moving, we sat there in silence with no one saying a word for over a minute which in that moment felt like an hour. “Kids your Mother and Father love you guys very much, we've tried to make our marriage work for a while now and have decided it would be best to split” said my Mother. I looked over at my brother's in tears and knew this was the news I was getting today. “Mom why, we can't have our family split up I want to live with you and Daddy!” I shouted. As I looked up at my mother looking back at us kids the expression on her face said it all, there was nothing more to be done, it was over.
Twelve years go by
after my parent's divorce, my younger
and I parted ways with my Mother and my two older brother's decided to live with my dad. There had always been a lot of secret's kept from the divorce that my Mother wouldn't tell me about until I was older, “secret's that aren't her place to tell me” she says. With my mother making this remark to me I have always wondered when I would find out more one day, this was the day twelve years later. I was sitting at the foot of my bed when my mother walked into my room, “Heather there's something you need to know, I have a letter for you to read that explains it all come get me when your done so we can talk” says my Mother. I took the letter out of her hands with confusion and taking her advice, she walked out of the room and left me alone to attend to this letter myself.
and I parted ways with my Mother and my two older brother's decided to live with my dad. There had always been a lot of secret's kept from the divorce that my Mother wouldn't tell me about until I was older, “secret's that aren't her place to tell me” she says. With my mother making this remark to me I have always wondered when I would find out more one day, this was the day twelve years later. I was sitting at the foot of my bed when my mother walked into my room, “Heather there's something you need to know, I have a letter for you to read that explains it all come get me when your done so we can talk” says my Mother. I took the letter out of her hands with confusion and taking her advice, she walked out of the room and left me alone to attend to this letter myself.
I open the letter
and start curiously reading, to my surprise it
stated that I have had a half sister since I was three years old that no one has ever told me about. I sat there confused and broken hearted feeling betrayal, wondering why I have trusted my father for so many years. I knew there were secrets that I wouldn't find out about until I was older, but not secrets to this extent. The tears of pain rolled down my soft cheeks onto the floor, I felt angry as I could feel my body start to tremble and shake. Tranquilized by this information my mother came back into the room, I looked up at her with disappointment and defeat as she bended down to apologize and give me a hug.
stated that I have had a half sister since I was three years old that no one has ever told me about. I sat there confused and broken hearted feeling betrayal, wondering why I have trusted my father for so many years. I knew there were secrets that I wouldn't find out about until I was older, but not secrets to this extent. The tears of pain rolled down my soft cheeks onto the floor, I felt angry as I could feel my body start to tremble and shake. Tranquilized by this information my mother came back into the room, I looked up at her with disappointment and defeat as she bended down to apologize and give me a hug.
“I have wanted to
tell you this news for a long time now, but felt
your dad needed to take responsibility for his own actions and needed to tell you himself. He cheated on me when you were two years old and the woman he cheated with conceived your half sister when you were three” said my mother. “Why hasn't Dad told me, I have a right to know that I have a sister I have thought my whole life I was the only girl!” I said. “Your Dad is afraid of what you kids might think of him after hearing this news, he worries you guys won't want a relationship with him anymore because of this that's why. I have talked with your Dad about this situation many times and could never get him to say anything to you. Your old enough now that I feel it's time and you have the right to know” said my mother. I try to soak in this news that I am hearing after 19 years of my life, but it doesn't seem real.
your dad needed to take responsibility for his own actions and needed to tell you himself. He cheated on me when you were two years old and the woman he cheated with conceived your half sister when you were three” said my mother. “Why hasn't Dad told me, I have a right to know that I have a sister I have thought my whole life I was the only girl!” I said. “Your Dad is afraid of what you kids might think of him after hearing this news, he worries you guys won't want a relationship with him anymore because of this that's why. I have talked with your Dad about this situation many times and could never get him to say anything to you. Your old enough now that I feel it's time and you have the right to know” said my mother. I try to soak in this news that I am hearing after 19 years of my life, but it doesn't seem real.
I was ready to take
the initiative for myself to find her I wasn't
about to wait until my Dad decided he was ready, he has had 19 years to tell me this secret he's been keeping and I know he wasn't going to tell me anytime soon. I located her through facebook only knowing her name was Nikki Stout, I pull up her album's and select a photo. My heart immediately sunk into my stomach as I looked at this girl I am supposed to call my sister, she was a spitting image of my dad. At that point I realized this was real, there was no denying her I needed to meet her. We made arrangements to meet for dinner at Applebee’s restaurant a couple weeks later, I could feel my stomach twisting into knots as I parked in front of the restaurant, this was it I was finally going to meet her after 19 years. I walked through the restaurant looking for her knowing I was not going to miss her face, the image of my dad was all I needed. I spotted her out of the corner of my eye, there she was with her long black hair and green eyes. I walked closer to her as we made eye contact, our faces lit up with a smile as we hugged feeling like this should have happened sooner. I sat across from Nikki at that table mesmerized by how much she actually resembled my dad. Her hair was long and black shaping her long and oval shaped face, her broad nose mimicked my dad's as her small red lips smiled at me. Her brows were plucked into thin lines, reminding me of two pencil lines which highlighted her green eyes, this was surreal to me. “ I am so happy to finally have the chance to have found you after so many years, I wish we would have known about each other a lot sooner then now” I stated. “Me too! This is the start of I hope many more memories to come, I'm excited to finally put your face with your name” said Nikki.
about to wait until my Dad decided he was ready, he has had 19 years to tell me this secret he's been keeping and I know he wasn't going to tell me anytime soon. I located her through facebook only knowing her name was Nikki Stout, I pull up her album's and select a photo. My heart immediately sunk into my stomach as I looked at this girl I am supposed to call my sister, she was a spitting image of my dad. At that point I realized this was real, there was no denying her I needed to meet her. We made arrangements to meet for dinner at Applebee’s restaurant a couple weeks later, I could feel my stomach twisting into knots as I parked in front of the restaurant, this was it I was finally going to meet her after 19 years. I walked through the restaurant looking for her knowing I was not going to miss her face, the image of my dad was all I needed. I spotted her out of the corner of my eye, there she was with her long black hair and green eyes. I walked closer to her as we made eye contact, our faces lit up with a smile as we hugged feeling like this should have happened sooner. I sat across from Nikki at that table mesmerized by how much she actually resembled my dad. Her hair was long and black shaping her long and oval shaped face, her broad nose mimicked my dad's as her small red lips smiled at me. Her brows were plucked into thin lines, reminding me of two pencil lines which highlighted her green eyes, this was surreal to me. “ I am so happy to finally have the chance to have found you after so many years, I wish we would have known about each other a lot sooner then now” I stated. “Me too! This is the start of I hope many more memories to come, I'm excited to finally put your face with your name” said Nikki.
We sat at that dinner table for two hours catching up on all the
lost time we both have had, reminiscing on what was to come after this night. My feelings of sadness, disappointment, and betrayal were all placed aside as I ate dinner and enjoyed Nikki's company. It was time to put our feelings to rest as it was getting late and continue the conversation another night, we parted ways excited to meet up again soon. The sense of relief I felt that night after finally meeting her was my closure, I knew what I needed to know and it was up to my dad at that point to make the decision to tell me one day. I slept peacefully that night feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder's, my body and mind could finally rest from this secret all was out in the open and I could move forward.
lost time we both have had, reminiscing on what was to come after this night. My feelings of sadness, disappointment, and betrayal were all placed aside as I ate dinner and enjoyed Nikki's company. It was time to put our feelings to rest as it was getting late and continue the conversation another night, we parted ways excited to meet up again soon. The sense of relief I felt that night after finally meeting her was my closure, I knew what I needed to know and it was up to my dad at that point to make the decision to tell me one day. I slept peacefully that night feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder's, my body and mind could finally rest from this secret all was out in the open and I could move forward.
I woke up the next
day witnessing a beautiful sunny afternoon in May, the sun was
finally peaking through the clouds as the rain decided to rest. The
birds came out from behind the trees and started singing their
peaceful harmonies again. I sat on my porch as I watched the
neighbor children pour out of their houses like sardines, joyous and
excited to be back outside riding their bikes and playing with
friends all while breathing in the fresh afternoon air. This was a
start of a new beginning for me I had finally met my sister after so
many years, it was time for me to let go of the past and forgive my Dad. Till this day my dad has not told me of Nikki and that
situation, I can't let my Dad's decisions he has made effect my life.
I am a adult now and need to move forward changing my life for the
better and learning from his mistakes, I am confident that my Dad
will come around one day and be honest about this situation, until
then it is what it is.
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